i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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