I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
