All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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