I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Less talking, more tequila
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We smell like vodka and hangover
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