is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
