first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
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Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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