I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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