I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
