I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
