3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
