Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
