I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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