My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
