Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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