I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My vagina is officially offended.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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