I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
