a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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