Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
