that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
