Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
