alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
