Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You don't make any sense
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