NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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