I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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