My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
