did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
