he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
