Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
