Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
