Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
