my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
