am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
