haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
