LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
