Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
