Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
