One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize