Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
