All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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