the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
