I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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