Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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