I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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