just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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