no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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