Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
