So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
