I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
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I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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