I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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