We named our party play list daddy issues
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
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