I want to walk on stilts...naked
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
