you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
