Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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