Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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