I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
