I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
