I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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