so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
