if you like me you must not know who I am
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
