I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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