I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
