shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
