She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
