this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
