If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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