It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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