Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
