My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
