The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
