I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
