i already hear my dad disowning me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
