I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
