Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
