her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
is it fun? or sober?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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